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British logos

Writing - Flim-flam

Tuesday, 06 October 2009 15:30

Scene: A meeting of government branding consultants.

Time: The Past.

A: Let’s get back on track here. We need a logo for the British government. What do we want ‘government’ to say to people?

B: Well, we definitely want something strong. Something that says ‘We can stop people getting into your castle even if they’ve got past the drawbridge’.
C: Obviously that’s our starting point. But how do we encapsulate that in a symbol?
B: Ah.
A: Hm.
B: It’s difficult, isn’t it?
D: Wait!
C: What?
D: How about – a portcullis?
A: Brilliant.
C: Well, yes. It’s good in principle but…
D: But what?
C: Don’t we also want to say, ‘We feast on antelopes?’
B: Ah, yes. He’s right. We do want to say that.
C: And portcullises don’t really do that, do they?
A: Not really.
B: Oh! What about this? We have two symbols: a lion and a portcullis. That way we get in both of the essential attributes.
A: Perfect. This meeting’s going unbelievably well. Just shows what you can do when you put your heads together.
C: Hang on though.
B: What now?
C: We still need to convey the other essential message: ‘We don’t exist’.
A: Oh damn.
B: Add in a unicorn?
D: Mm. Yes, actually I quite like that. Lion, portcullis, unicorn. It’s bold. It says, ‘We feast on antelopes, we protect your castle entrance as a second line of defence after the drawbridge and we don’t exist.’ It’s good.
A: Let’s break for lunch.
C: Yes, I think we’ve achieved a lot today. We still need to bring in a hat or head-covering of some sort…
B: And a shield, obviously.
C: And a shield, yes.
D: We should also think about a strapline.
B: Something in French, I was thinking.
C: For the British government?
B: Yes. Nothing says ‘British’ like French.
D: I agree.
A: Anyway, food for thought. Let’s have lunch.